Our Week at a Glance

I was just reminded once more why you should keep a journal, I have had a couple of experiences this week that I thought, "oh yeah tell your blog peeps about that," but I didn't ever write them down and now I can't remember any of them. So this is what you get... 

 They were both actually really cute just kick'n it on the hammock. Then I went to snap a shot and got double chin, and when I said "smile" instead of smiling Ky purposefully shove his finger up his nose, he really is a covert nose picker.

One of the thrift stores in our town has half off on Fridays! This is Kace slurping on his slushie (we love Sonic happy hour, it has taken the place of snowcones for me, which I used to eat like two a week of in Utah)

Saturday we went with Kyle's parents to a sporting goods store and took our eyes off Kacen for thirty seconds to find him in the ball bin. He loves balls and will scream at the top of his lungs in this really crazy angry voice, "ball!" if he sees one and can't play with it.

We were at the sports store with Perry and Valarie while they bought these fun kayaks. And they were nice enough to take us out on Memorial Day and let us have a great time at a like. Kacen loved riding in the boats, he wanted it to always be his turn. 

 And here are just some pictures that Ky took of Kace earlier last week. I love his expressions.

Memories: Part 2

The “Maeser House” soon came to be known as the “Height House.” The Heights were our upstairs neighbors and they were CRAAAAZY. To illustrate: Ms. Height, would sit outside in lingerie and yell at all the elementary school kids who looked at her when they were walking to and from school, “Why are you staring at me you perverts!” If her kids fought they were locked in their bedroom with “What the World Needs Now is Love,” blaring through the door. What we heard downstairs was screaming and kicking and DeShannon’s melodic voice soothing the children into loving one another.

Say a Tough No!

 While the Heights were upstairs being brainwashed with love my mom brained washed us through The Safety Kids, please watch this movie on youtube . So when Ryan Height and I were outside playing in the drive way and he picked up a his father’s discarded cigarette buds and wanted me to smoke with him I ran away, and when he pursued me and I turned on him kicking, punching and screaming “NO!” at the top of my lungs I felt completely justified. But after his mom found out that he was being rude to me she made him hug and kiss me and say sorry, this threw me into another moral conflict because my parents were very stalwart in letting me know I was not supposed to kiss boys until I was married and I couldn’t get married until I was 30 years-old. 

Here are our family pictures around this time.

 Grandma Murphy, Me, Mom, Dad, Bro Jake, Sis Micah

 Mama, Dad, Micah, K'Leena, Jacob, Me

 Mom, Dad, Micah, K'Leena, Jake, and Heather, ever the star

Fun With Kacen

As any of you who read regularly might know, I have recently felt exasperated with Kacen and his tantrums. This worry has caused Kyle and I to spend a lot of time on our knees seeking further guidance through prayer. And we have truly felt blessed. A couple of answers we received were:

Kacen loves art and needs to spend more time using his imagination and having that independent creative time.

 So we do a lot of coloring, he especially loves pens, and sometimes draws on his legs if left too long unsupervised, we have done a little painting and he loves it best.

 The second thing I feel that is important is that he just needs time to get his energy out, he needs recreation time morning, afternoon and evening. Thanks to the great weather we go to the park in the morning and after dinner, and have gone swimming twice so far after lunch and look forward to more SWIMMING.

 The other night Ky had a ton of fun playing with Kacen on the trampoline and making Kacen's hair stick out. Which if you note in the pictures above I cut it all off last night.

 The next thing is that Kacen just needs our love, I do not want to gripe about him anymore, after my last post about him I almost felt like I was gossiping about my own kid and I don't want to do that. He really is a sweet boy, who loves his family and who wants to help out and just do things on his own. He just has a ton of energy and he is only two, sometimes my expectations may be a little high for his abilities.

Lastly Kyle and I need to learn to be more bendable. Of course we know we are the parents here and need to set rules and boundaries for his safety and development. I don't want my kid to think that life has no rules or consequences. But we realize that our family won't function if Kyle and I are constantly fighting Kacen and letting him get to the point of self harm without intervening with love and compassion. I feel that being the adult doesn't mean that I need to be so tough on him, being an adult means that I am grownup enough to end an argument and teach love and compassion even if he is still at the peak of his tantrum.

 And I am happy to say that the tantrums are down, we still have them but they are shorter and I really feel hope that things are getting better. I love this little buddy so much.

I feel that little missy in my tummy is just as energetic as her bro. She seriously moves all day. Not just little kicks either we are talking full body movement. So I just gotta eat healthy and stay active for these kiddos.  I guess staying up til midnight tonight with a bag of Doritos has been a little counter productive. But today was a Sunday without Ky, involving six hours of church plus outside recreation time so yeah I needed a break. Haha I probably didn't need the Doritos (or the velveta dip, cake, fruit punch or brownie I had earlier eighter), but the late-night "me time" has been nice.

Chair Fabric

Kyle and I found this upholstery fabric for our chair on the clearance rack at Hancocks, while it might not have been our first choice it will be good enough for our summertime project.

And it was only $7.00 a yard! Yes I know that probably means that it will wear out easily but hey we got the chair for a buck and anything will be better than the ragged tapestry now covering the chair.

 

We started breaking this thing down but have a while to go.

Writing is Hard and Hair Cuts Are Too

As I read back through some of my posts they seem really scatter brained, leaving out important details and lacking all of the eloquence that you get in other blogs.

To my readers: I am sorry for that. I will try to write better posts. The reality is I have about two hours of the day to call my own, and I often spend that time trying to multitask, cramming in my tv watching, blog reading, book reading and game playing. So I often write blog posts with other distracts (aka Shark Tank and Triple D) looming in the background and I think that equals sub-par writing.

I am really sorry if my writing has ever omitted the caring feelings I have towards those around me, sometimes my stick-to-the-facts-just-get-it-done personality comes out too much. I mean I didn't even write anything regarding motherhood on my Sunday post. Admittedly that was somewhat on purpose sometimes the cliche-ity of holidays just bugs me.

Thoughts on Mother's Day
I think can't we just call it "Women's Day?" Even though I love my mother deeply and appreciate immensely all she has done for me, and even though I love being a mom and feel enriched every day with this calling in life, I have so many women in my life who have been nurturing and caring towards me who aren't mothers. I am also very grateful for all of the women who have been loving and nurturing to Kacen who aren't his mother or who aren't mom's at all. And sometimes I feel holidays tend to become excuses to do nice things that we should be doing on a regular basis anyway.

Alright moving on. 

The Truth About the Hair

(Precursor: this is pretty self loathing, vain, and complaintive.)

I don't know why I haven't been completely honest about the hair situation but here it is:
I did get it cut a couple of weeks ago and she did a great job, she cut it just as I asked her to and it did look good. But after playing with for a day or two I realized that I have an issue, I don't know what I want. Even if I do have a vision I have the hardest time describing that to a stylist. I have been feeling a little let down with my hair.

So yesterday I decided to go back in for another cut (because of my embarrassment about not being able to communicate my vision the first time and not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, though I am sure she wouldn't care, now that I think of it, I went to a different person this time.).

I really should learn to just leave well enough alone because now I have MULLET HAIR. I don't know why anyone would ever look at a young woman who is sort of fashion forward looking and think "gee why don't I take the whole middle chunk of her hair, like a three inch radius, and you know just lob it off at the same height as her eyebrows, you know, a nice mullet look." You know what the worst part of this whole situation is? This IS NOT the first time this has happened, so that leads me to believe that yeah most of the fault is mine.

I think I am just too spontaneous about this whole cutting thing and just go in on a whim whenever I think about it, no pictures in hand as visual aids. But really are visual aids that helpful? I think they too have a major flaw; it doesn't matter if you get that same exact cut as that celebrity, guess what? you will never look like that celebrity. I mean I have dreamed for years about having a hair cut mimicked after this cut of Victoria Beckham's, perhaps just an inch or tow longer.

And some cuts have come close but even if I did get that exact cut I would still feel let down comparing it to that pic. So maybe if I just look at hairstyles on less appealing people then I would have better success.

Anyway here is the cut pulled up because that is pretty much all I can do with it to mask the really bad mullet. And in reality this is probably how I will most often wear it.

Did you notice how god I am at multitasking though? I got a picture of my hair, for the curiosity of some readers, and a picture of my belly for the curiosity of others.

My bum-ment over my hair reached an all time low the night I got the latest cut and took it down from the pony tail at the end of a long day. I just cried and cried and the hysterics reached their peak with me wailing "....and my but is filled with cellulite!" Ky was so nice stroking my hair and giving nice assuring compliments but I just kept wishing he would stop touching the cursed thing now donning the top of my head.

It will be alright though. Seriously, people in this world, people I love and care about deeply, are right at this moment facing bigger worries than a stupid hair cut. 

I apologize for my vanity, and please know this is not a plea for compliments, seriously if you want to do anything for me just be on my side and reassure me that, "Yeah, Heather you need to A) pay more for a cut, and B) figure out what you want. And yes it is a really freaky look but as your friend I promise not to comment on the awkwardness of your hair and to just give you three or four months to let it work itself out." 

Earliest Memories

1988

My earliest memory is the layout of “the blue house.” I can’t remember if the house was actually blue but I do remember that if I stood in the living room I could look into the bathroom and the door to my parent’s room would be on the right and “our” room on the left. Another memory of that house is snuggling my mom in her water bed while wearing my pink silky pjs. I had an obsession with silk, it all started with breast feeding. And my mom was often horrified when as a baby and toddler I would reach into others shirts hoping to sooth myself by rubbing their silkys too.

It was in this house that I remember running to my mom asking her if the toys under the bed were really my parents and if I was adopted. Because for some reason as a kid the worst thing your siblings can tell you is that you were adopted. But it was a little sci-fi-ish that they said my parents were the toys under the bed. My mother always soothed my fears and I would confidently return to my sisters and brother and tell them I was, in fact, not adopted. They would then tell me, “Mom doesn’t want to hurt your feelings so she is lying to you.” A never ending cycle.

June 21, 1990

 When I was four we moved into a duplex in old town Provo, “the Maeser House,” it was across the street catty-corner from our elementary school, Maeser Elementary. As we unloaded boxes the neighbors came over to meet us. The Clark’s had two children a daughter Abigail, 4, and son Daniel, 2. Later that day Abigail brought me a birthday present, yep we spent my birthday moving, it wasn’t traumatic for me because all I remember from that day was the lipstick, gimmicky stuff that looked green but when you put it on turned red. I loved that lipstick and over the years Abi and I have given that as birthday gifts to each other just for fun.

Sunday

Man my Sunday was good. Church was great and from what people said I looked pretty good total bummer I didn't get a pic, I should have taken the time to take one because I actually did put myself together, it was much better than the way that I looked the night before.

This was me as the MC for our ward talent, which thanks to everyone who showed up and participated and brought food and spectated, was a huge hit! And the decor turned out so good, man I really, really really need to get better at taking pics, this one is thanks to my friend Emilie. But me and the primary presidency had a fun time planning it.

Ok back to Sunday I wore mustard yellow I guess that is totally my color, maybe I will recreate the look sometime this week, auggghhh that means actually doing my hair. But church was uplifting, and terrific.

After church Kacen was so tired that he just sat zoned out on the couch eating cereal. Then we all took nap.

(He can often be found sitting in this corner of the couch on an evening reading his books.)

And then I had what I crave more often than most anything else, bbq chicken, toasted bread, miracle whip, bbq sauce, lettuce, cheddar, bacon and onion rings (well they were just topping from a can crisped up under the broiler.) And man it was so good, like restaurant quality, yummm and I had one for lunch too and if I still had more chicken I would probably have it for dinner tonight and lunch tomorrow.

Then we just hung out and I got to watch Cupcake Wars and Sister Wives.

Ok I am really going to try to get pictures up of our fabric choice for our chair and.....a hair pic haha but don't hold your breath I am not that reliable. I need to go help Kyle find a hamburger, peace out.

Humm I debated about putting this up, but...decided to go for it anyway. Please just know before you start that I  love Kacen with all my heart, he is the light of my life, and remember I am pregnant so some of the smaller things seem a little more pronounced and hard to deal with these days. Here goes:

Kacen is the busiest kid I know, he can’t focus on any one activity for longer than maybe one minute, no joke. Even TV is boring to him, not that this is bad but since I am being honest there are times when I want to sleep, eat, cook, clean or complete the other hundreds of tasks I have each day that I would really just like for him to sit still for an hour or two in front of Kipper.

He is so independent and just wants to do everything by himself. He is particular, he knows what he wants and if he doesn’t get it: starts to scream, then runs and slams his body into the nearest surface, falls to the floor, smack his hands on the ground, screams more and holds his hands to the air in a “stella” fashion as he cries about his hands hurting. If at this point I attempt to hold his hand or arm to walk him to timeout he arches back slamming his head into our mostly tile floors then cries more because his head hurts. Once I finally get him to the timeout corner or chair he bangs his head into the wall or back of chair, sometimes throws himself to the floor again and repeats the whole process above. This happens ummm…. 4 to 8 times a day.

He doesn’t sit with us during sacrament meeting. He is the problem child in nursery, do the rest of you drug your kids? It is like he is hopped up on Mountain Dew and they all have taken sleeping pills. He runs back and forth all day, won’t sit to color, sing or listen to the lesson, climbs on the chairs, the table and the play sets. 

I cried three times in church this week, having to go without Kyle is like instant panic attack. But twice were grateful tears for everyone’s help and patience with him, my in-laws are great and there are so many amazing people in our ward who probably don’t even know how much I appreciate the small things they do to help me with my busy kid.

He likes to throw himself on the floor in these wild tantrums and my six month pregnant body just 

aches from having to bend over to pick him up so much.

When other people watch him they tell me he is well behaved, are you lying to me?

He frosted the loaf of bread, yeah honest mistake but still a little annoying.

Two weeks ago I was so exhausted and worn out that I had the super irrational thought that maybe I should give this next baby to a friend who is trying to adopt because I don’t know how I could possibly handle two kids with Kacen. I quickly took it all back I love my little girl already and I obviously love Kacen but some days he is so exhausting.

He has taken to undressing himself in bed.

So there you have it, the real thoughts of an irrational mom. But that is totally only one side to my life and really those moments are not the majority of my day.

The very bottom line of all of this is that I do love my child, I just wish I had more energy to help him run all of his out every day. He is really good at helping with chores, he loves to help in the kitchen and will pick up his toys and loves vacuuming and sweeping. He is mostly just busy and gets frustrated with being bored. I don’t think my kid is a bad kid. 

I love how adventurous he is, he is always willing to try new things, he will even now go down the big slide at the park. He is always asking me to lift him up so he can jump off of high things.

He is saying please and thank you more often. When he wakes up and if Kyle isn't there he asks "daddy?" 

I love that he is still a snuggle bug and wants to sit with me all the time in and loves to sneak in and snuggle up when I am sleeping. 

He makes me laugh every day and I am so grateful for him in our life. 

The past couple of mornings have been overcast and rainy so this morning we took advantage of the dreary weather and headed over to the English Garden at Masonic Village to pretend we were Jane Austen characters, well I guess I only pretended. And also I need to note we made it to lunch without one fit, not one, improvement!

PS sorry the hair picture hasn't come up yet I am still trying to get a great picture, call me vain.

New Hair Cut

I knew I wanted to get a hair cut this week and thought I would get any opinions out there, however, when I woke up this morning Valarie told me that the Cassandra (the girl who cuts hair) was coming over this morning, so I took advantage of this and just got the cut today. Here is the before, the after I took earlier I just realized looks horrible and I look sad but I love the cut. So tomorrow I will style it and let you all see the cute cut.