Earliest Memories

1988

My earliest memory is the layout of “the blue house.” I can’t remember if the house was actually blue but I do remember that if I stood in the living room I could look into the bathroom and the door to my parent’s room would be on the right and “our” room on the left. Another memory of that house is snuggling my mom in her water bed while wearing my pink silky pjs. I had an obsession with silk, it all started with breast feeding. And my mom was often horrified when as a baby and toddler I would reach into others shirts hoping to sooth myself by rubbing their silkys too.

It was in this house that I remember running to my mom asking her if the toys under the bed were really my parents and if I was adopted. Because for some reason as a kid the worst thing your siblings can tell you is that you were adopted. But it was a little sci-fi-ish that they said my parents were the toys under the bed. My mother always soothed my fears and I would confidently return to my sisters and brother and tell them I was, in fact, not adopted. They would then tell me, “Mom doesn’t want to hurt your feelings so she is lying to you.” A never ending cycle.

June 21, 1990

 When I was four we moved into a duplex in old town Provo, “the Maeser House,” it was across the street catty-corner from our elementary school, Maeser Elementary. As we unloaded boxes the neighbors came over to meet us. The Clark’s had two children a daughter Abigail, 4, and son Daniel, 2. Later that day Abigail brought me a birthday present, yep we spent my birthday moving, it wasn’t traumatic for me because all I remember from that day was the lipstick, gimmicky stuff that looked green but when you put it on turned red. I loved that lipstick and over the years Abi and I have given that as birthday gifts to each other just for fun.

Sunday

Man my Sunday was good. Church was great and from what people said I looked pretty good total bummer I didn't get a pic, I should have taken the time to take one because I actually did put myself together, it was much better than the way that I looked the night before.

This was me as the MC for our ward talent, which thanks to everyone who showed up and participated and brought food and spectated, was a huge hit! And the decor turned out so good, man I really, really really need to get better at taking pics, this one is thanks to my friend Emilie. But me and the primary presidency had a fun time planning it.

Ok back to Sunday I wore mustard yellow I guess that is totally my color, maybe I will recreate the look sometime this week, auggghhh that means actually doing my hair. But church was uplifting, and terrific.

After church Kacen was so tired that he just sat zoned out on the couch eating cereal. Then we all took nap.

(He can often be found sitting in this corner of the couch on an evening reading his books.)

And then I had what I crave more often than most anything else, bbq chicken, toasted bread, miracle whip, bbq sauce, lettuce, cheddar, bacon and onion rings (well they were just topping from a can crisped up under the broiler.) And man it was so good, like restaurant quality, yummm and I had one for lunch too and if I still had more chicken I would probably have it for dinner tonight and lunch tomorrow.

Then we just hung out and I got to watch Cupcake Wars and Sister Wives.

Ok I am really going to try to get pictures up of our fabric choice for our chair and.....a hair pic haha but don't hold your breath I am not that reliable. I need to go help Kyle find a hamburger, peace out.

Humm I debated about putting this up, but...decided to go for it anyway. Please just know before you start that I  love Kacen with all my heart, he is the light of my life, and remember I am pregnant so some of the smaller things seem a little more pronounced and hard to deal with these days. Here goes:

Kacen is the busiest kid I know, he can’t focus on any one activity for longer than maybe one minute, no joke. Even TV is boring to him, not that this is bad but since I am being honest there are times when I want to sleep, eat, cook, clean or complete the other hundreds of tasks I have each day that I would really just like for him to sit still for an hour or two in front of Kipper.

He is so independent and just wants to do everything by himself. He is particular, he knows what he wants and if he doesn’t get it: starts to scream, then runs and slams his body into the nearest surface, falls to the floor, smack his hands on the ground, screams more and holds his hands to the air in a “stella” fashion as he cries about his hands hurting. If at this point I attempt to hold his hand or arm to walk him to timeout he arches back slamming his head into our mostly tile floors then cries more because his head hurts. Once I finally get him to the timeout corner or chair he bangs his head into the wall or back of chair, sometimes throws himself to the floor again and repeats the whole process above. This happens ummm…. 4 to 8 times a day.

He doesn’t sit with us during sacrament meeting. He is the problem child in nursery, do the rest of you drug your kids? It is like he is hopped up on Mountain Dew and they all have taken sleeping pills. He runs back and forth all day, won’t sit to color, sing or listen to the lesson, climbs on the chairs, the table and the play sets. 

I cried three times in church this week, having to go without Kyle is like instant panic attack. But twice were grateful tears for everyone’s help and patience with him, my in-laws are great and there are so many amazing people in our ward who probably don’t even know how much I appreciate the small things they do to help me with my busy kid.

He likes to throw himself on the floor in these wild tantrums and my six month pregnant body just 

aches from having to bend over to pick him up so much.

When other people watch him they tell me he is well behaved, are you lying to me?

He frosted the loaf of bread, yeah honest mistake but still a little annoying.

Two weeks ago I was so exhausted and worn out that I had the super irrational thought that maybe I should give this next baby to a friend who is trying to adopt because I don’t know how I could possibly handle two kids with Kacen. I quickly took it all back I love my little girl already and I obviously love Kacen but some days he is so exhausting.

He has taken to undressing himself in bed.

So there you have it, the real thoughts of an irrational mom. But that is totally only one side to my life and really those moments are not the majority of my day.

The very bottom line of all of this is that I do love my child, I just wish I had more energy to help him run all of his out every day. He is really good at helping with chores, he loves to help in the kitchen and will pick up his toys and loves vacuuming and sweeping. He is mostly just busy and gets frustrated with being bored. I don’t think my kid is a bad kid. 

I love how adventurous he is, he is always willing to try new things, he will even now go down the big slide at the park. He is always asking me to lift him up so he can jump off of high things.

He is saying please and thank you more often. When he wakes up and if Kyle isn't there he asks "daddy?" 

I love that he is still a snuggle bug and wants to sit with me all the time in and loves to sneak in and snuggle up when I am sleeping. 

He makes me laugh every day and I am so grateful for him in our life. 

The past couple of mornings have been overcast and rainy so this morning we took advantage of the dreary weather and headed over to the English Garden at Masonic Village to pretend we were Jane Austen characters, well I guess I only pretended. And also I need to note we made it to lunch without one fit, not one, improvement!

PS sorry the hair picture hasn't come up yet I am still trying to get a great picture, call me vain.

New Hair Cut

I knew I wanted to get a hair cut this week and thought I would get any opinions out there, however, when I woke up this morning Valarie told me that the Cassandra (the girl who cuts hair) was coming over this morning, so I took advantage of this and just got the cut today. Here is the before, the after I took earlier I just realized looks horrible and I look sad but I love the cut. So tomorrow I will style it and let you all see the cute cut.